The beginning of the end

This will be a very personal post. It is a lead up to me having the operation so I think it is worth sharing.

I have only shared with people who are close to me so far. 

Just so you know I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. (Mormon) My Father in Heaven is very important to me. If you have questions about my religion or things I speak of please don't hesitate to ask. Or visit mormon.org

When I was pregnant with Perry we knew this would be the last baby that I would physically carry and give birth to. Early on in the Pregnancy we both went to the temple and Joshua had a strong impression that we were having a girl. I was more then excited! Funnily enough when we found out she was a he I wast dissipointed for long. He would still be my baby. The biggest question we still are yet to figure out is why Heavenly Father would tell Joshua it was a girl when it wasn't. What I do know is that he has a plan for me and my family and he sent us a son instead for a reason. I love my boys so dearly. 

We also had nurses suggest getting my tubes tied. This is rare for midwives, drs, etc to suggest to a woman of only 25. There is a rule that they don't offer it to women over 30 who are admit they are done having children. But every visit we were asked again. We once again went to the temple and realised that this was Devine intervention. We needed to listen to the advice of the Drs. This was also said many times during priesthood blessings.

The decision was made. No more children. 

I was doing well after Perry was born a bit emotional as he grew but well. There was one point that I hit bottom and I couldn't get myself out of feeling negative and jealous. I was bitter and couldn't understand why I couldn't have more kids. Why couldn't I have a daughter. I'm a good mum I could easily handle more. Give me all the kids in the world and I will love them. Thankfully with the love of Joshua and my Heavenly Father I came to realise that I may never know why but I need to stop focusing on what I don't have and focus on what I do have.  And that is 3 amazing boys! A life full of noise and mess and sport. But most of all love!